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Saturday, October 09, 2004
 
Schadenfreude - It's Not Just For Germans Anymore

If you want to know how Bush really did in last night's debate, you just need to look at Bush's detractors and the main-stream media, but I repeat myself. The major networks are calling it a tie, which speaks volumes in itself. But to accurately gauge the mood of the lunatic fringe, we need look no further than the scribblings of Konfirmed Kerry Kool-Aid Karrier William Saletan, who says Kerry struck out.

Bush did well. He botched a few answers—at one point, he said our military should be "more facile"—but he was well-prepared, energetic, and frequently incisive. Democrats thought he'd have trouble fielding hostile questions. They were wrong.

You KNOW that had to stick in Willy-boy's craw. Saletan takes a quick huff of paint and continues:

Kerry, too, was well-prepared, energetic, and incisive. But he failed to do two things that Edwards did against Vice President Cheney. Edwards, like Bush, has message discipline. From the beginning to the end of Tuesday's debate, Edwards hammered one theme: "Mr. Vice President, you are still not being straight with the American people." At the same time, Edwards adapted to the flow of the debate, using Cheney's answers to reinforce the theme. Each time Cheney said something far-fetched, Edwards took that statement and beat it against the cement of reality.

There is nothing more frightening than a true believer. Both Edwards and Kerry fired off some zingers, but Cheney had command of the facts while Edwards stuck to the same tired Howard Dean "BushliedpeoplediednoweaponsofmassdestructiononethousanddeadHalliburton...BLEEEEAAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!"

The president of the United States had just blamed the military for screwing up the war. Surely Kerry would seize this chance, before tens of millions of people, to point out that Bush was refusing to reciprocate the loyalty of his troops. But no. Here's what Kerry said: "You rely on good military people to execute the military component of the strategy, but winning the peace is larger than just the military component."

Component? Who runs Kerry's debate prep? Michael Dukakis?

Never mind that Sillyman's premise is all wrong: A) Bush did NOT blame his generals for screwing the war, because
B) The war WASN'T screwed up. Never mind that that's two lies for the price of one, can you HEAR the despair in his voice?

Just when it looked as though Kerry would end the debate on a bad note, he got his biggest gift of the night. The final questioner asked Bush, "Please give three instances in which you came to realize you had made a wrong decision, and what you did to correct it." Amazing, incorrigibly, Bush refused yet again to concede any significant error. On "the big question about whether we should have removed somebody in Iraq, I'll stand by those decisions, because I think they're right," he said. "On the tax cut, it's a big decision. I did the right decision."

Gibson turned to Kerry. The pitch was hanging there, waiting to be smacked into the upper deck. All Kerry had to do was walk up to the questioner and say, "You just asked the president to name three mistakes. He couldn't name one. He can't correct his mistakes, because he can't see them, even when his own weapons inspector puts it on the front page of the newspaper. You can't change this president. You can only replace him."

DELICIOUS! Slobberton admits that it was a bullshit question: "Mr. President, you are an abject failure as a leader and we'd like you to discuss that in detail with specific examples, but since we have just a few minutes left, can you limit the list of your screwups to only three, and please speak slowly, so that Terry McAuliffe can get a good soundbite or two." Bush refuses to play ball, so then it's "Mr. Kerry, we're going to hold President Bush in a full-nelson headlock and let you kick him in the nuts as hard as you OOOOMMMPHHHH!!!! YOU MISSED HIM AND KICKED ME, STUPID-ASS!!! oh, i think i'm gonna throw up..."

That's misery, folks. Abject, whiny, dyed crimson red liberal misery. And I am feasting on the tears of impotent rage.

If you want a fairly exhaustive rundown of what the blogosphere had to say about the debate, Allah, the creator of worlds, puts it all in your lap. He may be a false god, but he's OUR false god, can you dig it?





Tuesday, October 05, 2004
 
Well... Duh!

Distrust of Muslims Common in U.S., Poll Finds

What a shocker - we're talking scoop of the century, here.

One in four Americans holds a negative stereotype of Muslims, and almost
one-third respond with a negative image when they hear the word "Muslim,"
according to a new national poll commissioned by a Washington-based Islamic
advocacy group.

Might that have something to do with 19 Muslims hijacking four airliners, slamming them into buildings and thereby killing thousands of our citizens?

Officials with the Council on American-Islamic Relations, which sponsored the
survey, called the findings alarming. Although the organization was aware that
hate crimes and discrimination against Muslims had increased since the 2001
terrorist attacks, "we did not know [anti-Islamic sentiment] was that deep," the
council's executive director, Nihad Awad, said yesterday at a news conference.

I don't get it either, Nihad! What is it about Muslims that could possibly be hacking off the American people?

The violence in Iraq, including the beheadings of hostages by Muslim radicals,
might be fueling the negative attitudes, Awad said.

Oops! almost forgot that one. I don't mean to sound hateful, but is it possible that the, umm... MURDER OF 150 CHILDREN by hmm... let's see, who were they... MUSLIM TERRORISTS in Beslan might have something to do with it?

I'm tired of being told I need to understand Muslims. Fuck that. THEY need to understand that THEY are the problem. Not all Muslims are terrorists, but you can bet your ass that ALL TERRORISTS ARE MUSLIMS.

When someone like me calls them a bunch of towelheads or cameljockeys or splodey-dopes, they're at the microphone in minutes, decrying our hate speech and wailing about how peaceful Islam is. But when another child gets shredded by a bomb on a bus in Isreal, or another American gets his head sawed off on television, all of a sudden they've got laryngitis. I'm sick of this shit.

Islam is the problem. Muslims are the problem. If they cannot or will not be part of the solution, then they will have the solution imposed on them. If you backwards-ass rug merchants can't behave yourselves, then we'll have to just kill the most dangerous of you and contain the rest in your sandboxes.



 
Nine Times Out of Ten, It's an Electric Razor

But, every once in a while... it's a dildo.

Mackay, Australia, Oct. 4 (UPI) -- Flights from an Australian airport were delayed for 30 minutes Monday when a discarded sex toy began buzzing and set off a security emergency alarm.

The incident occurred at Mackay Airport in North Queensland when an unidentified male passenger threw the vibrator into a garbage can before boarding a flight to Brisbane, the Australian Broadcasting Corp., reported.

In the event of a dildo, it's airline policy never to imply ownership. We're trained to use the indefinite article "A" dildo, never...

When the buzzing was heard, the entire terminal was evacuated and bomb experts were about to be summoned when the passenger came forward and explained what it was, said Acting Inspector Roger Lowe.

YOUR dildo.



Friday, October 01, 2004
 
Any One Else Pick Up On This?

I saw the debate tonight - I call draw, which is about what I expected. Seemed to me Kerry came out with well-rehearsed talking points, which he presented smoothly, while Bush's strategy seemed to favor the counterpunch. So for sheer nimbleness, I give the edge to Bush. He wasn't trying to get through his index cards so much as probing for a Kerry contradiction he could exploit, and he got him on a couple. In my opinion, this debate only solidified their respective bases: no new ground here. Nothing to sway those most piss-ignorant and stupid of all Americans - the Undecided Voter. What the hell are you holding out for? An offer of a free toaster? Maybe one of them will offer to haul your ashes for a vote.

Here's what I was referring to in my title, though. In Bush's closing statement, he said CLEARLY:

"We will have an all-volunteer Army."

I hope that puts all the stupid talk of a draft to rest. How dumb can CBS be? The only idiots in this country who support a draft are Chuck Rangel and Fritz Hollings, both Democrats.

I was also having an excellent time watching Spoons nervously cheerlead for Bush while he liveblogged the debate. For someone who is so vehemently opposed to Bush winning this election because somehow it "would be good for conservatives" if he lost and we became the U.N.'s bitch for four years, he sure acted like a dad watching his kid get in the game for the first time ever and being scared shitless for him that he might fumble the ball. I would like to say that I hate to rub his face in it.

But that would be lying.