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Monday, April 19, 2004
Appeasers Aren't Born, They're Made

When I see disgusting drivel like this, I can't let it pass without comment. The article in question purportedly attempts to help your child deal with bullies at school, and yet it does not ONCE mention eye-gouging, groin-kicking, biting, or that tried and true self-defense method: The Sucker Punch. Nope, instead the author provides the same type of feel-good coping tools that got this asshole elected Prime Minister of Spain. You know, the old French Threat Reaction System:

Step One: Run
Step Two: Hide
Step Three: Surrender
Step Four: Collaborate

I mean, check out their advice:

How to Help
First, give your child space to talk. If she recounts incidences of teasing or bullying, be empathetic. Gene Gardino, director of counseling services and life skills at The Chapin School in New York City, suggests saying, "I'm so sorry. That must be really painful." Then place the ball gently back in your child's court, asking, "What do you think might help? What works with your friends?" If your child has trouble verbalizing her feelings, Froschl suggests reading a story about children being teased or bullied. You can also use puppets, dolls or stuffed animals to encourage a young child to act out problems.

Dad: "I'm sorry you got your ass kicked, son. That must be painful. Let me show you how to lick that bully good. His boots, I mean. We'll use G.I. Joe here to represent the bully, while your role will be played by Mary Sue Tinklepants, here." [grabs dolls]

G.I. Joe: "Gimme your lunch money or I'll kick your ass!"

Mary Sue Tinklepants: "Do you have change for a twenty?"

So what do you do when your child is getting his ass kicked daily by a bully? Call his parents and let them know there's a problem. Gently, though. I mean, YOU don't want your ass kicked too, do you?

At home and on the playground:
Adults need to intervene to help children resolve bullying issues, but calling another parent directly can be tricky unless he or she is a close friend. It is easy to find yourself in a "he said/she said" argument. Try to find a intermediary: Even if the bullying occurs outside of school, a teacher, counselor, coach or after-school program director may be able to help mediate a productive discussion.

Nothing does more to instill confidence in your child that Daddy can fix it than cowering behind a schoolteacher as you confront the bully's Dad and politely ask him over a cup of Jasmine Chamomile tea if it wouldn't be possible to speak to his young gentleman about the thrashing he gave your son. And by the way, could you please return the lunch money your child took from mine. That'd be great, thanks.

OR, if you're like me and favor the direct approach, One Call Does It All:

"Yeah, this is Jeff D. Listen, asshole. If your kid lays another finger on my son, he'll be sucking beans through a straw for the rest of the school year after I break his jaw. And after I'm done with him, I'm gonna come over to your house and smash your head in with a fuckin' brick! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!!"

Here's some more cowardly advice from the same group of "experts.":

* Model the behavior you expect from your child. Avoid making jokes that stereotype or ridicule people. [Now what the hell fun is that? What does that leave? Knock-Knock jokes?]

* Intervene immediately when you see inappropriate behavior. If adults are aware of bullying and don't say or do anything, children may see this as an endorsement of the behavior. [Or maybe Daddy is waiting to see if you'll finally get tired of being pummeled and actually defend yourself]

* Teach your child to be assertive and to make eye contact. Arm him with "I" messages: "When you push me, I feel annoyed. Please stop." [Are you trying to get your kid killed? Why not just give him a black eye yourself before he leaves for school. Maybe then the bully will think he already got his lunch money taken]

Face it, people. Nothing will build your child's self-esteem like knowing his father will stand up for him, and even better, being able to stand up for himself. My father taught me the rudiments of self-defense when I was a child, but most of his emphasis was on walking away from fights.

The first time I attempted to walk away from a fight, I wound up with a concussion. It wasn't my dad's fault - I just think that he grew up in a time where the cowardly stigma that was attached to hitting someone from behind was actually an effective deterrent, especially when people were watching. Life seems to have gotten a lot cheaper since then, and I have never given my back to an opponent since. I'm not claiming to have won them all, but I never had to fight the same guy more than once, except of course, the one guy I turned my back on. And even the ones who thumped me won a Pyrrhic victory at best, taking their own set of lumps in return.

Colin Powell said it best: "Weakness is provocative." A bully will not keep coming back for more if he knows he's going to take some lumps, too. Bullying is like rape - it's not about violence or sex, it's about dominance and power. Bullies and rapists crave victims who exude the very qualities modern teachers and psychologists want to instill and reinforce in your child, while coddling the offender and demanding that you empathize with a punk who knocked two of your kid's teeth out.

Teach your child non-violent conflict resolution, but first of all, teach him self-defense. Self-defense breeds self-confidence and it will show in your child, making it even more likely that he will never have to use any of those carotid artery chokes you showed him. A kid who knows that he can defend himself if confronted by a bully radiates a type of IFF code that says, "Do not fuck with this one - look for an easier target," namely, some other kid. Bullies do not respect words or feelings. They respect and fear superior force - never lose sight of that fact.

Go forth and kick ass.

Friday, April 16, 2004
Since Teddy Likes Soundbites So Much

I've got some for him. Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam? Okay - try some of these:

"Chappaquidick is Ted Kennedy's Titanic"

"Waco is Janet Reno's Waterloo"

"Monica is Bill Clinton's Delilah"

Hillary is the Senate's Leona Helmsley"

MARY JO KOPECHNE, you fat bastard.

Thursday, April 15, 2004
Any of This Sound Familiar?

I'm getting so sick of hearing Iraq compared to Vietnam, mostly by people too young to have experienced it firsthand, and by those old enough, but who should know better. Anyway, I've got my own comparison - stop me if you've heard this before.

U.S. forces broke the PDF - and Noriega's ability to control his forces - during the first hour of combat. By the end of D Day, most of the fighting was over - though Panama was by no means safe. Many of the PDF had changed into Levi's and slipped into the city, where they banded together to continue making trouble. [Sound like anyone we know? - ed.]

There was no law and order.

Have-nots, armed bands of hoodlums, Dignity Battalions, and PDF displaced by the fighting - and sometimes a mix of all the above - started looting and causing mayhem. [I could swear I've seen this somewhere else. Hmm... - ed.]

This had been anticipated by American planners; the Task Force Atlantic and Task Force Pacific division commanders had orders to move into the city and begin stability operations to secure key facilities and mop up resistance.

By dawn of the twentieth, there were already 3,000 refugees in the Balboa High School athletic field, including many PDF who had infiltrated in civilian clothes. There were also 1,500 detainees in a camp being established on a rifle range halfway up the Canal - a number that grew to 4,600 within a week, as more detainees were brought in from the combat units.

Meanwhile, hospitals had to be reopened and sanitation services restarted.

A CBS News poll later determined that 93 percent of the Panamanian people supported U.S. operations - yet the same people had instant expectations that their new government could not soon fulfill, since the removal of Noriega's appointees had decapitated most of the vital institutions. [Sounds like some other people I know. - ed.]

Though additional units from the 7th Special Forces Group and civil affairs were being brought in to handle these needs, the demand was now, and it could only be satisfied in the near term by the military personnel already on the ground.

The immediate tasks were:

* Mopping up and bringing security to the major cities, particularly Panama City and Colon. [Or Najaf and Fallujah. - ed.]
* Neutralizing the PDF and Dignity Battalions in the remainder of Panama.
* Reestablishing law and order.
* Taking care of refugees and displaced persons.

Meanwhile, all major military objectives had been achieved: The PDF had been neutralized, the PDF command and control no longer functioned, Noriega was no longer in control, and the new government had been installed.

On the downside, Noriega had not been captured, and U.S. forces had no idea where to find him.

Except, THAT little loose end got snipped, just like Saddam. The parallels between the invasion of Panama and Iraq are legion, especially in the way the U.S. approached the endgames diplomatically.

Both countries possess one of the world's top ten economic resources: Iraq's twenty percent of the world's proven oil reserves, and Panama's Canal - the linchpin of global shipping (which, lest you forget, the U.S. built, and then gave away to Panama.

In both cases, an American President named Bush toppled a vicious murdering bastard of a dictator and replaced him with a democratically elected government. AND THEN WALKED AWAY.

We do not want Iraq's oil anymore than we were trying to seize the Panama Canal. We're America, damnit! If we want it, we'll fucking buy it. The main differences between Panama and Iraq is that the Panamanians were a developing society already familiar with democracy - they had elected Guillermo Endara president, only to see Noriega nullify the election results, force the elected leaders into exile, and ruthlessly suppress the resultant demonstrations. Iraq is mainly peopled by ignorant savages who drop everything five times a day to pray in the direction of a big-ass cube of rock in the middle of Mecca, Saudi Arabia. The Shiites have a couple of walk-a-thons per year featuring a lot of yelling and cutting their heads open with knives.It's a lot of fun for the kids, too. Whether or not these people are worthy of the gift of freedom or not, only God knows. They are going to have to either water down or jettison their fucked-up religion if they're going to have a chance - that's for sure.

Bottom line, you don't have to go back to 1972 to try and hammer a square Vietnam peg into a round Iraq hole. It doesn't fit. And yet, these Dumbocrats keep hammering away, over and over, expecting a different result each time - the definition of insanity. Not when a trip to December 1989 will tell you all you need to know about how America really operates.
The quote above I pilfered wholesale from Tom Clancy's Shadow Warriors. I recommend you check it out.

You could learn something.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Happiness Is A Warm Gun

I just purchased and installed some new Hogue grips on my .45 cal Ruger P90. Now she points and feels much better than she used to - I just can't wait to get to the range and try it out. And for all you 1911 snobs out there, she may be big and ugly, but all her weight's up top, just where I like it. And together we can print 1.50" groups of TEN rounds at fifty feet, offhand.

When I hold you in my arms
And I feel my finger on your trigger
I know no one can do me no harm
Because happiness is a warm gun

Yes it is.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004
What Does It Say About the People of Massachusetts

That they keep voting Ted Kennedy back into office? The distinguished booze-sponge launched another cliche-laden tirade against our Commander-in-Chief, once again proving just how out of touch he is with reality.

Kennedy is a strong Kerry supporter. And his criticism of the administration's domestic agenda comes after several high-profile speeches in which Kennedy called the war in Iraq a fraud and said the plan to oust Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein was devised to help Republicans in the 2002 and 2004 elections.

Bush "is the problem, not the solution. Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam, and this country needs a new president," Kennedy said.

Well, one thing's for certain, asshole. YOU will never be our president, and do you want to know why? Just three little words. Say 'em with me, folks.


By her undeserved, tragic death (I won't say murder, but the fact that Kennedy should have done time for negligent homicide is undisputable), that young lady saved us from the worst imaginable fate. Can you imagine Teddy Kennedy as president? You dare not. What I want to know is why he doesn't get her name thrown in his face at every public appearance. Certainly if I were a Senator, that would be my rebuttal to every single word he uttered on the floor, no matter how innocuous the topic of debate.

Sen. Edward Kennedy: ...and furthermore, I move that the Senate sponsor the planting of an elm tree for this year's Arbor Day.

Sen. Jeff D.: Mary Jo Kopechne, you fat bastard!

Every bill I sponsored would be known as "Mary Jo Kopechne's Law". My goal, of course, would be to either drive Kennedy out of the public eye or into the ground. I really could care less, as long as he's gone. However, my prospects for election are pretty slim, considering the state I live in. Does anybody have a Senator who's willing to pick up the torch?