Repatriate: Now with 40% more Vitriol!
Monday, December 15, 2003
A Disturbing Revelation
I was watching "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" the other day, but I wasn't enjoying it. I have seen this movie at least six times in my life and had always been delighted at Gene Wilder's portrayal of Willy Wonka, the eccentric yet kind-hearted confectioner whose demesne is a magical wonderland filled with fanciful inventions that recall the artwork of Dr. Seuss and Rube Goldberg, and staffed by strange but industrious creatures called Oompa-Loompas.
I watched Wonka, etal. go through the same silly escapades I had seen before, but with a growing sense of unease. I couldn't quite identify what was bothering me, and then suddenly it all snapped into focus:
WILLY WONKA WAS THE MICHAEL JACKSON OF THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.
That sick, child-molesting bastard had me fooled for years, but finally the scales fell from my eyes and I saw a clear image of the monster beneath. Witness the similarities:
Legal Defense Team
The parallels are too obvious to ignore. I'm pretty sure Nostradamus wrote a quatrain or two about the rise of the Purple Tuxedo - or was it the Blue Turban... Doesn't matter! The point is, Wonka, like Jackson, had his legions of fanatical worshippers as well. And those chocolate-gobbling chowderheads allowed that sicko to escape justice. All it would have taken was one Oompa-Loompa to break the code of silence. But hey, why bite the hand that feeds you - isn't that RIGHT you little orange enabling bastards!
It's too late to do anything about Wonka, but there's still time to stop Jackson. God help us if he gets off.
In court, I mean.
Monday, December 01, 2003
Gallic Indifference - Like I Give a Damn
Quell temps? you say? Once again it is time to bash les Francais. They bring it upon themselves, they really do. So what have they done to piss me off lately? Nothing.
In fact, it seems to me that lately "nothing" would describe the work ethic of the average Frenchman. Only this time their diplomatic corps is in on it.
More than 90% of France's diplomatic service - including the odd ambassador - went on strike yesterday, leaving French embassies, consuls and cultural institutes around the world either closed or run by a skeleton staff.
Intolerable? C'est vrai? Tell us more, cher!
The foreign ministry ran out of paper for three days last month because the supplier had not been paid, one official said, forcing the European affairs minister, Noelle Lenoir, to go to a stationery shop for exercise books to write in.[...]
Like all good socialists, they are upset that the money confiscated from the few hard-working citizens France has remaining in captivity is being pissed away - on a French CNN-style news channel! Why, that money could be pissed away on a continuing failed diplomatic effort to convince the world the France does indeed matter and ergo, does not suck. No slouches when it comes to slacking, the diplomats slumped into inaction:
Unions said that 94% of the diplomatic service's staff in 126 countries had obeyed the strike call, although many senior officials - including Renaud Vignal, French ambassador to Jakarta - put in an appearance at work but let it be known they would do nothing.
And how exactly is that different from an ordinary French work day? Hell, they've let it be known since May 1940, when the Wehrmacht rolled through the Ardennes like they were on the way to Grandma's for Thanksgiving and they didn't want the casserole to get cold.
I have to say, the game ball goes to France this week. Talk about being your own best advertisement - even France's diplomats agree France sucks. And the French have only themselves to blame. I spell "Gallic Indifference" as F-U-C-K-I-N-G L-A-Z-Y. Someone needs to flip France over and check for bedsores. They'd also find a bunch of perfectly good rifles left over from World War II.
Never been fired and only dropped once.
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