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Thursday, August 28, 2003
 
Reality Check

It's hard to believe that in six to eight weeks I'll be a father. Sitting in the OB's office yesterday morning listening to him tell us how it was going to go down once labor begins really brought home the fact that this bun is ready to come out of the oven. It's the strangest thing - I feel ready and anxious to get started and yet totally unprepared all at the same time.

Late at night, while my wife lays draped across my right side, and I can feel the PuppetMaster inside of her, punching, kicking and rolling from side to side, a confused melange of thoughts swirls through my mind...

"I need to get busy on the nursery..."
I hope most of the baby furniture is pre-assembled..."
I wonder if Cecilia's boobs will shrink after the baby's born..."
"How come it only takes nine months to create a fully-formed human, but I'll have to wait up to FOUR YEARS for my Shiloh Sharps Rifle?"
"I hope the baby has it's mother's eyes..."
"I can't sleep with this kid poking me through her stomach...
Roll over, honey!"

They say waiting is the hardest part, and for me it's the absolute truth. I can't wait to hold my baby. I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl. I can't wait to see it smile for the first time.

I can't wait to hand it back to Mommy when it cries.



Monday, August 25, 2003
 
Those Skinny Bastards

This is why MSN is no longer my home page - they're looking for ways to compare the French favorably to Americans.

THIS ARTICLE seeks to answer one of science's most perplexing mysteries: Why are the French so slim?

How can the French stay so slim, with all those luscious croissants, cheeses, pastries, and sauces?


A new study brings home what's known as "the French Paradox." Despite France's rich cuisine, the French are decidedly slimmer than Americans. Only 7% of French people are obese, compared with 30% of Americans.

Surprising, isn't it? Especially when you consider they're such lazy bastards, with a federally mandated 35-hour work week and 5 weeks paid vacation. Hell, they couldn't even get their asses in gear quick enough to save Grandmere and Grandpere from slowly roasting to death while they laid about at their summer retreats.

Seems to me they've left out a few key French food groups, namely cigarettes, alcohol and cowardice. The study drones on with some oddball theory about the French eating smaller portions or whatnot, but I'm guessing poor hygiene, sloth, rudeness and high-octane hatred of all things American have more to contribute to their hummingbird metabolisms than what they eat.

Still, I wouldn't mind telling the French to "eat this!"




Tuesday, August 19, 2003
 
Is It Just Me?
Or does anyone else suspect that the Palestinians really don't want peace? Because it seems to me that blowing up a bus full of Jews is not exactly a peaceful gesture. Just as a side note, can anyone explain to me why Palestinian Arabs in Isreal are still being allowed to RIDE buses at all? I know that sounds a lot like racial profiling, and that's because it is. Not every Palestinian who rides a bus blows it up, but all the buses in Isreal that do explode are exploded by Palestinians. Hmm... maybe the Palestinians are the roadblock in the middle of the roadmap.

Nah, couldn't be. I mean, not even two hours later, Arafat's sock puppet Palestinian Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas, also known as Abu Mazen (I think it's Arabic for Uncle Fester), issued a condemnation of the attack.

“I announce my strong condemnation of this horrible act, which does not serve the interest of the Palestinian people at all, and I have given my instructions to the security minister to launch an investigation,” Abbas told reporters in Gaza.

Excuse me, Uncle Fester, strong condemnation. Goodness knows I don't want to belittle the monumental efforts you've made to disarm the militant Islamic groups such as Hamas and Islamic Jihad. Efforts like... strong condemnations. And be sure to let us know what that investigation turns up, m'kay?

Here's an idea - maybe the Palestinians don't want a separate state. They only want ONE state, and guess what? The Jews already live there. The Palestinians don't want equality. Say it with me:

THEY WANT TO KILL ALL THE JEWS.

That's why there will never be peace in the Middle East - the Arab world does not want to live in peace and harmony with the Western world, they want to kill or subjugate the rest of the world to their backwards Islamic lifestyle. If it sounds like I'm picking on Islam, it's because I am.

The staff at Repatriate is getting mighty sick of all the debate. There's good and there's evil in this world. Sneer all you want at that simplistic view, but you will have to choose a side. If you're on our side, Welcome! Watch your back, though, the other team is trying to kill us. If you're on their side, enjoy your rubber bullet; I hope it fucking hurts. Oh, and watch out for the bulldozers.

When the IDF says "let's roll," they mean it.






Saturday, August 16, 2003
 
Ain't That the Truth?

I was reading my local paper this morning and a letter to the editor really caught my attention. For a paper that prints EVERY Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, and Cynthia Tucker column, it was nice to get some equal time. Here it is, reprinted in it's entirety.

In an unbelievable dream that I had, Sept. 11 never happened, and President Bush called a press conference.

"Members of the press," he announced. "Our CIA and FBI have uncovered a clever plot by 19 Islamic terrorists to utilize box-cutters to hijack four of our airliners simultaneously, with the intent of flying them into the two World Trade Center Towers, the Pentagon, and the White House. With unbelievable coordination our agents arrested all 19 terrorists simultaneously in groups of four at four different airport gates. They are all being held without bail."

Immediate comments: "Mr. President, do you expect us to believe that box-cutters could be used to hijack an airliner?"; "Mr. President, can't you concoct a better story to divert our attention from the economy?"

Twelve Congressmen called for either resignation or impeachment. The ACLU protested that holding the Islamic visitors without bail was a violation of civil rights.

When I awoke I realized that if the dream had been real, the comments in real life would have been just as antagonistic.

Let us therefore hope that President Bush will continue to oppose the people whose careless use of free speech is encouraging those who shoot at our peacekeepers in Iraq.
Louis Otto- New Orleans

I think that pretty well sums it up, friend.
And on the same page you can find letters defending Southern Decadence, where homosexual men descend on New Orleans during Labor Day weekend for 3 days of drugs, dancing and public displays of sodomy. Or, you can read how executing convicted murders is inhumane. I tell ya, one good thing about New Orleans... at least it's not San Francisco.



Thursday, August 14, 2003
 
Keep your two cents, Canadians

It's only worth a half-cent U.S., anyway. If you learn one thing about Canadians from living among them, it's that they believe they have the best health care system in the world. If you learn one thing about doctors, it's that they think they're omniscient. If you learn one thing about unions, it's that they exist solely to make it impossible to fire shitty employees. What they all have in common is that they all think the world owes them a living - and they're all wrong.

In a blinding display of ignorance of how free-market societies work, the National Union of Public and General Employees of Canada believe they have the fix for what ails the U.S. healthcare system - make it more like Canada's. Now if there is anything this country needs, it's to be LESS like Canada, not more. Here's a capsule summary of how the Canadian health care system works - The government takes most of the money you earn and gives it to other people.

Nearly 8,000 American doctors, arguing that U.S. health care is collapsing, have called for a national health insurance system similar to the one Canada has had for nearly 40 years.

Sounds good so far, right? Yeah, except for all the waits to do surgery, the fact that there may be no specialists to treat your type of ailment within 500 miles, and the fact that Canadian health care tends to be VERY sloppy on the issue of infectious disease control - anybody remember SARS?

The group says a national program would mean an increase in taxes but this would be offset in many cases by wiping out the need for private health insurance that can cost families up to $10,000 (US) a year - or more.

My taxes are high enough as it is, and I'm in the top income bracket. But my taxes are nothing compared to Canadian earners, who face marginal tax rates of up to 50 percent. That's FIFTY PERCENT! And let's not forget their national sales tax of seven percent. Combined with their provincial sales tax, they pay FIFTEEN PERCENT taxes on EVERY purchase, whether it's a stick of gum or an automobile. Trust me, the Canadians who are bragging about their "free" health care are not the ones shouldering the burden of paying for it.

The group says problems such as waiting lines, causing problems in Canada, could be avoided by maintaining the same proportionate amount of spending on health care that the U.S. now lavishes on its inefficient and unequal private system.

"If (Canadians) were to put the same amount of money as we do into their systems, there would be no waits," says Dr. Marcia Angell. "For them, the problem is not the system; it's the money. For us, it's not the money; it's the system."

First of all, the population of the United States is 300 million. The population of Canada is 30 million. Canadians are already having their tits squeezed purple by their bloated socialist government. How much more can they be taxed? There's no money left to steal. Sure, everyone gets free healthcare. Just like you do in the United States if you're indigent - shitty health care complete with long waits and doctors who run you through the mill with no concern for your condition other than WHO'S NEXT?!

But what they don't want you to know is that Canada reallyhas a two-tier system, with those who can afford it running to the United States and paying cash to avoid waiting for surgery, or by purchasing "executive" private health insurance, which will guarantee you get seen at a private facility. Canadians are socialists, which are the most miserable creatures on earth - they don't care how little money they make, how much they get taxed, or how shitty their helath care is, AS LONG AS IT'S THE SAME FOR EVERYBODY. My Canadian employees never griped that THEY didn't make enough money, just that SOMEONE ELSE might be making more than them. Canadians, socialists, union members - they're all interchangeable terms. None of them want to excel or improve their condition, they want to drag everyone down to the same miserable level. So keep your suggestions to yourselves, Commie.

If you want to know what is REALLY being done to lower health care costs, this is a step in the right direction. The problem U.S. health care is that we are such a litigious society. No one wants to accept the fact that sometimes life is hard and you get hurt. No, it's always someone's fault other than yours. Despite the best efforts of the best physicians in the world, you just cannot heal everyone. No one wants to accept that, and now it's time to make the doctors pay, because the impression is that doctors are rich, and it has NEVER been a sin to punish the rich in this country, has it?

Wrapping up its most contentious debate since Republicans assumed control of state government seven years ago, the Florida Legislature on Wednesday overwhelmingly passed a plan to overhaul the state's medical malpractice insurance system.[...]

The bill will cap the ''pain and suffering'' amount that juries can award a victim of medical malpractice at $1.25 million in most cases, with physicians' liability capped at $500,000 and hospitals' or other medical providers' liability capped at $750,000.[...]

Consumer advocates and trial attorneys argued that the cap addresses litigation issues, when the real problem -- rising insurance rates -- can only be addressed through regulation reform.

The cap will be worse for victims such as children or stay-at-home spouses who otherwise don't qualify for economic damages, such as lost wages, they said.

''This is just draconian for moms and retirees,'' said Alexander Clem, an Orlando attorney who has spent much of the past five months walking the halls of the Capitol.

There you have it! The plaintiff attorneys and class-action vultures are against it, so it MUST be good for the economy. Go leech off someone else, shitballs. Maybe now malpractice insurance premiums will make it affordable for doctors to continue to practice.






Tuesday, August 12, 2003
 
Animal Cruelty Update

I got home an hour ago to find that one of my dogs had ripped up a couple of feet of the white Berber carpet in our dining room WHICH I SPENT THREE HOURS SHAMPOOING JUST TWO DAYS AGO!! You think killing an antelope with a seven-foot spear is inhumane? How about beating two dogs to death with a phone book? I am so pissed at them right now.

The streets will flow with the blood of these canine infidels.



Monday, August 11, 2003
 
That's Why I Say Hey, Man - Nice Shot

In a rare display of politically incorrect manliness, Great Britain's Prince William killed an antelope with a spear while on vacation in Kenya.

In an all-too-common display of the pussification of the New European Man, animal rights activists are upset.

"Why would somebody feel the need to kill an animal while on holiday and why do it in a way which has a very high chance of being quite inhumane?," said Jonathan Owen, a spokesman for World Society for the Protection of Animals.

Because it's fun and manly, dumbass. I dare you to wag your finger in front of a Masai tribesman and tell him he's inhumane. That's how we get FOOD, idiots, by KILLING living creatures and EATING them. And guess what, my tenderhearted friend? There are MORE animals being born every day. It's a RENEWABLE resource. But I digress.

"Spearing an animal is a crude way of killing it and not guaranteed to kill the animal quickly if someone is not an expert marksman."

Hitting a 14 INCH-LONG animal with a spear isn't easy, idiot. Plus, it was a SEVEN FOOT-LONG spear! Plunging into an animal little larger than a phone book! I guarantee you it didn't suffer long... or needlessly. Quoth Legei, tribal leader of the Masai village:

"I was proud of him. He picked it up by the tail and presented it to me.

"At home, we eat such animals but I don't think Prince William would even consider it."

See, after proving his hunting prowess, a very manly pursuit, the young man shows his breeding and manners by offering his kill to the tribe, who knew EXACTLY what to do with it. Did somebody rattle the dinner gourd?

High-profile blood sport critic Carla Lane said: "If this is right, it's appalling and depressing.

"I had hoped with this young man we might have had a monarch who was not cruel. Diana abstained from it all, why can't he be the same?"

A "cruel monarch?" Off with YOUR head, you silly bitch. This boy has been through enough with the death of his mother, as well as all his family's pecadillos, no matter how minor, plastered all over his country's newspapers. The jackals of the tabloid establishment are just sitting back and praying for the proverbial train wreck that many celebrities lives inevitably become. They hounded his mother to death and dripped fake sympathy and admiration for her pet causes like banning landmines even while eagerly hoping to catch a shot of the young prince snorting coke off a male dancer's penis in some London disco. Think how many of your shitty newspapers that would sell!

I, for one, am glad to see a young man engaging in manly pursuits that are all too often discouraged in the name of political correctness. Bravo, young chap!





Saturday, August 09, 2003
 
Hillary's Penis

That's all I've got right now. I just thought it was a cool title for a post.



Thursday, August 07, 2003
 
So there's this Austrian, a Cripple, and a Midget...

...and they decide to run for governor of California.

Sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it? And the joke's on you, California! And it just keeps getting better - Gary Coleman, Arnold from the old TV show Diff'rent Strokes is running for governor. Gary's in fine company - Arnold Schwarzenegger, porn kingpin Larry Flynt, and the comedian Gallagher have also decided to run. But Gary's campaign manager, Steve Buel seems to be the driving force behind the pint-sized candidate's platform of "why the hell not?"

"It's true that there is a farcical quality to the entire recall effort. But Gary's candidacy is no more farcical than that of Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Arianna Huffington, or the comedian Gallagher," Buel said.

And no less, Steve. You know, I have trouble containing my mirth at this one, and it's because I'm from Louisiana. Several years ago, our gubernatorials were marked by a runoff between Edwin Edwards, four-time governor and now federal prison inmate, and David Duke, former Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, also a current guest of the federal prison system. Our choice was between Edwards, who had stood trial for bribery and extortion in a state hospital construction deal and been acquitted, and Duke, the nice Aryan boy, who brought threatened boycotts from every business and special interest group outside the state, especially the Hollywood set. Neither one of these shitballs should have gotten within 100 yards of the governor's mansion without a warning shot being fired into their chests, but we chewed and we swallowed. Enjoy your laugh, California?

We'll see who's laughing if Gary Coleman gets elected.



 
No, It's Not Okay

I've been reading alot of recent pieces on the web concerning the Episcopal Church's confirmation of it's first gay bishop, pieces defending gay marriage, and other pieces discussing how we deal with homosexuals in this country. Frankly, I don't like most of what I see.

One of the hallmarks of any discussion of homosexual rights is that if you do not support the homosexual agenda (yes, they have one, I'll explain) then you are shouted down as an intolerant homophobe - a bigot whose hate-filled rantings are to be dismissed immediately. By drowning out the debate with cries of bigotry and unfairness, and well, just meanness, homosexuals and their champions are attempting to marginalize everyone whose opinion disagrees with their own. Well, it's my site, so I'll say whatever I want - I may tell you to shut the fuck up, but that doesn't mean I'll delete or ban your comments.

A quick primer on the concept of "tolerance" for you: just because I tolerate something does not mean I have to approve of it. I have been in the position of hiring employees for the last 6 or so years in a couple of different industries. I have hired homosexuals, heterosexuals, blacks, whites, Asians, Hispanics, Pacific Islanders, and even a left-handed kid named Joe. If I was intolerant I could have easily excluded any of those groups without bringing EEO complaints down on my head. However, I believe in making money, and that requires the most qualified applicant. Just like I don't go out on Saturday nights with my Louisiana redneck friends (I live in the South, so I must be a redneck, right?) for some good old-fashioned queer-bashin'. There are a lot of groups whose behavior I refuse to condone - but it's a stretch to call me intolerant because I won't get on board with the rest of the enablers in this society.

Make no mistake - I believe homosexuality is wrong. But what is even more sickening to me is the homosexual agenda. It parallels closely the liberal agenda, and it's very simple. It's called erasing the concept of right and wrong. "Who are you to judge?" has become their battle cry. By this they mean you do not have the right to judge any behavior they want protected - like homosexuality. But if that holds true, why are those same people judging me even now for taking a stand on what I believe? "Who are they to judge?" Their philosophy on non-judgmentalism is strictly a one-way street. Any dissent, even in the form of reasoned debate is to be quickly crushed and painted with the brush of bigotry.

So what's the big deal, you ask? I mean, they're not hurting anyone, right? Bullshit. Even now in our schools and universities, children are being taught that homosexual behavior is normal and even desirable, complete with counseling and instruction to get you started! Do you want YOUR son or daughter exposed to that? I'm an expectant father, and I'm sure you can guess where I stand on the subject.

Homosexuality has been around with us forever. As has bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, incest and any other aberrant sexual behavior you can name. What's the next step, allowing marriage between man and animal, man and 9 year-old child, man and corpse, man and son? Who are we to judge? Homosexuality has only survived because of society's reluctance to step into the bedroom. Not content with being tolerated, homosexuals demand to be treated as a minority group with not protected, but priveliged status. Fine, run off and establish your own society. We'll check back in 70 years to see how many new citizens have been born. Until then, accept the fact that the majority does not approve of your sexual behavior, but is willing to let you do whatever you want in your own bedroom, provided you: 1) Shut the fuck up about it and quit whining - I do not flaunt my sexual relationship with my wife, I don't want what you do thrown in my face, 2) Leave our kids out of it - hold your homosexual recruitment drive somewhere else, France, perhaps and 3) Quit trying to equate behavior with biology. You're a bunch of hypocrites anyway - if people are naturally homosexual, why so much marketing and propaganda to try to swell your members ranks? Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I invite your reply, but I warn you, I will NOT be shouted down on this website.

Thanks to LittleTinyLies for his post on the topic.

And if you want equal time, misguided though I believe it is, check out Paul Jane's piece which I also found at Steve's site.



Tuesday, August 05, 2003
 
Repatriate Career Counseling Center Now Open

I spent my entire day reading resume's. Approximately 300 of them. Maybe twenty of that number will actually be offered an interview by me. You'll have to excuse me if I seem a bit disgusted, but most of what I read today might as well have been scrawled in crayon on a discarded newspaper, wrapped around a brick and thrown through my window. At least I'd have to unwrap it before shredding it.

So in the interest of enlightening those of you searching for jobs nowadays, particularly in the financial field, here are a few pitfalls to avoid on your way to becoming gainfully employed:

1. Don't have a stupid first name combined with a normal last name.
If your first name is Dayanna, Trinielle, Yohance, Somphone, Dai'san, Theoadoria, or Marquise visit your parents as soon as possible and tell them "Fuck you very much" for saddling you with a moniker that no self-respecting employer will want to see printed under their letterhead and sent out to a client or customer. Especially when you have a WASPish last name like Jones, Johnson, Connor, or Smith. It makes prospective employers think that their parents didn't give a shit how their kids would turn out, and that the child would have picked up that same attitude and carried it over into the workplace. Or maybe not. But I sure do.

2. If you have a gap in your employment history, explain it.
This is another one of my pet peeves. So I'm reading a resume' - "hmm, looks good so far, experience mhmm, college grad, mhmm, unexplained six-year gap in work history from 1997 to NOW." Don't make me have to guess which state prison or mental institution you were just released from to make the puzzle complete. Don't worry, we have a BIG shredder.

3. Don't fax your resume' from your current place of employment with a cover sheet FROM YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER.
Maybe it's just me, but I have to question the loyalty of someone who is ratfucking their current employer by sending out resume's using their employer's equipment WHILE THEY'RE ON THE CLOCK. I have a vision of me catching one of my employees at the fax machine with their resume' in their hand. I'd bounce their ass across the parking lot like I was skipping rocks on a pond.

4. Know what job you're applying for, ASSHOLE!
I advertised openings for "Account Representative." I have received resume's applying for "Accountant," "Accounting Representative," "Bookkeeper," "Administrative Assistant," and "Executive Secretary." I'm doing the fucking hiring, people. And I want an Account Representative. Thank you very much, now can I be in charge for a while?

5. Don't tell me you just got fired and need the work.
True story. Some poor joker's cover letter said, "I was just fired Friday from my present job, so I would need to start as soon as possible." Maybe he got caught faxing his resume' on company equipment. Dumbass.

Getting a job is not hard, people. Just remember - YOU are your own worst enemy when it comes to writing resume's.



 
I Like Noel's Style

If you aren't reading Sharp Knife on a regular basis, administer yourself a beating. Lord knows I'm too busy.

On the way home from work, my wife and I were discussing all the reasons why Hilary Clinton will probably sit out the 2004 election. Such as the economy continuing to recover. Then what does she attack Bush on - defense? Then there's the leftover stench from her first her husband's pregnancy presidency. Does she really expect America to forget the Klinton Kleptocracy? Apparently so.

In THIS POST from Noel, he outlines why he believes Hilary is even now sharpening her fangs in preparation for the potentially most criminally disgusting presidential campaign this nation has ever seen. And here's the money quote:

Yep; she's running alright.

And it will be the dirtiest, nastiest, most criminal campaign ever seen. Get ready. No doubt the phony votes are being manufactured and friendly court venues are being scouted as we speak. The court challenges being planned will make Election 2000 look like a Perry Mason Weekend on Nick at Night.

Conservatives should not fear this contest; she puts her latex and leather Mistress-of-the-Night outfit on one cloven hoof at a time, just like everybody else. She can be beaten. And should be. Often.

As always, Noel says it betterer. Now get over there, or you're in for a beating. From yourself.




Monday, August 04, 2003
 
If you are a fan of Jennifer Lopez

Prepare to be offended.

If you know me personally, and I'm betting you don't, you know how much I despise the humongous-assed, ghetto wannabe, sluttishly dressed and shameless self-promotion machine that is Jennifer Lopez. Hopefully by now, you are as sick as I am of seeing her tramp around with Ben Affleck, flaunting their joint business venture relationship all over print and television. I mean Affleck was kinda cool, like your friend who might be 30 but isn't quite ready to get serious about anyone or anything. Now he's enjoying sloppy thirds behind Sean "Puffy" Combs, notorious shitball, and some male dancer from Lopez' show. I repeat, male dancer. What kind of disgusting petri dish must her crotch be by now?

So it is with great pleasure that I report that the opening weekend of her new movie, "Gigli" did "Poorly". How does a character-driven romantic comedy with minimal special effects end up costing $54 million? When you have two large egos salaries to support. But hey, they made a whopping $3.8 million on opening weekend, getting outearned almost three-to-one by "Tomb Raider 2", featuring Angelina Jolie's breasts. Don't worry, JHo, you've made your money. And thanks for the entertaining and completely fresh new concept - Ben Affleck falling in love with a lesbian. I loved that movie - the first time I saw it, when it was called "Chasing Amy."And the flops will continue. The clueless couple are set to release their next steaming pile of shit romantic comedy, "Jersey Girl," later this year. What an obvious choice for "Jenny from the block."

Speaking of stupid whores, Britney Spears will be displaying her naked tits and ass in the September issue of British Elle. But it's a woman's magazine, so it's okay, right? Britney Spears - she's not just for pedophiles anymore!

Like Louisiana doesn't have enough to be ashamed of already.




Friday, August 01, 2003
 
Procrastination

"Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off NOW." Thanks for the t-shirt, bro.

I have been putting off moving my site from blogspot for awhile, and now they've finally done it. They fixed the permalinks and archives. It all works now! Hallelujah!!! Now I can procrastinate moving for another few months! I hope the word gets out soon - a lot of people won't visit or link blogspot sites because of all these problems which are hopefully resolved for good, now. I still plan to move to a site that will allow me to host pictures and tinker with the design more, but it just doesn't seem to have the urgency now that it once did. Thanks for continuing to visit!